Exhausted.

Piper and I braved the torrential rain yesterday to have lunch together. Thankfully, Chick-fil-A has an indoor playground. I sat and watched her play, and there were some boys that were being mean to her. One called her a "cry baby." It burned me up. What was worse was I saw where these boys' parents were sitting, and they did nothing to stop it. It was a group of obvious wealthy stay-at-home moms, as evident by the blindingly large diamonds on their fingers, and their conversations about new curtains, game rooms, etc. I finally went and sat in the play area to prevent any more confrontation (Piper may have stomped on one of the boy's foot at one point, but was self-defense in my book).

This same group of women were talking about how tired they are at the end of the day. I know I don't know all of their stories, but I wanted to scream. As I mentioned, they were obviously married, and safe to assume that they had help. I wanted to tell them, "Try doing it all alone. The cooking, the cleaning, the rearing, paying the bills - in addition to having a full-time job. Alone. No help financially, physically or emotionally. The health, safety and well-being of my child lies with me. There are some nights that I just want to sit down. That's all - sit. For five minutes. And breath."

By the end of the day, I am beyond tired. On the rare occasion that I don't fall asleep at the same time as my daughter, I usually cry myself to sleep. Partly due to pure exhaustion, but mostly because when it is quiet, I am left with my thoughts. Thoughts of being alone. Not only am I hard to live with, due to me being very type-A, and wanting things a certain way, but I also have a child - another man's child - who (my child) takes priority over everyone and everything. So, if a man can get past my independence and self-sufficiency, he must also be strong enough to carry my baggage - all 35 pounds of it. And honestly, I think that would be borderline saint-hood.

There are some days that I just want a hug and someone to tell me, "you're doing a good job," or "it's going to be OK." Sometimes, I just need validation that I'm not screwing everything up. And sometimes, I just need a good night's sleep.