Let's be real

I tend to be very open and honest about my divorce, the events leading up to my divorce, and my feelings about the divorce. I've mentioned this before, but I do this because I hope I can help at least one person that may stumble upon this blog. I know those feelings of loneliness, confusion, anger and sadness. And I know that when I was able to talk to those that have been through the same storm as I have, I was reassured that I would survive.


More than a year later, I still fight numerous feelings on a daily basis. D's girlfriend has recently put her kids in the same daycare as Piper, and he was there picking them up one day last week and we awkwardly ran into each other.

This incident saddened me because how many times will Piper see her dad pick up other kids and not her? It angered me because I remember Piper being six weeks old and D was gone all weekend partying, while I was home alone with a newborn, but yet he is picking up his girlfriend's kids from school. Then, I felt proud because I realized how strong I am and how much I have done on my own. And then, I smiled because when Piper saw me, she excitedly said "Mommy pick me up!"

I feel the cookie-cutter emotions that most divorcees feel, "It's for the best." "I'm better off without him." "We weren't always unhappy." Etc., Etc., Etc.

I don't regret marrying him, and as time passes, my heart is healing. I want to keep a cordial relationship with him, because he is, and always will be, the father of my beautiful child. I have realized that the more I hold onto that unnecessary anger, the more it hurts me and holds me back from living my life. Moral of the story is I'm moving on, and it feels great.

There are times that I may fall a few steps backwards, which is to be expected. For instance, after some Facebooking and Pinteresting, I stumbled upon photos of "families" - mom, dad, children, and sometimes a dog. (I put "families" in quotations, because to me, it is a relative term - families come in all shapes and sizes.) But, I thought, anyone can smile for the camera, but it takes true happiness to smile when no one is looking.


Bedtime is a special time for me and Piper. It's when we calm down, talk about our day, maybe a tickle fight, laugh together, and say a prayer. It is a time that I just look at her and stare in amazement that she is my flesh and blood. Her adorable voice, her sparkling blue eyes, her soft blond curls - how did I get charged with such a beautiful child? The other night at bedtime, I was snuggling and talking with Piper, and she asked me "mommy, will you be my best friend?" - and that, my friends, is true happiness.