Saturday, I decided to watch the movie My Sister's Keeper. I cried and cried - I cried loud sobs. I have never cried so much during a movie, not even The Notebook. And it was a fictional movie.
Then, yesterday, my sister-in-law, Paige, wrote a heart-breaking post about a real family fighting childhood cancer, Layla Grace. And I cried, again.
After I picked up Piper from day care yesterday, she started developing a rash. Quickly. It spread very rapidly and I could tell she was in pain. I was up with her until 3 a.m. while she tossed and turned. She whined and scratched and would just look at me with those eyes that say "why can't you do something?" But while I was awake with her, I couldn't help but think about and pray for all of those mothers who up with their children with cancer, who are million times sicker than my child.
I, of course, became paranoid. I Googled all sorts of rashes, and read all of the worst-case scenarios. I became so worried that I even called Piper's pediatrician's 24-hour hot line to make sure I didn't need to take her to the emergency room. The nurse said to give her some Benadryl and call in the morning and make an appointment.
So, I called her pediatrician's office first thing in the morning and made an appointment. I went to the appointment expecting to hear that it was a normal rash that will go away in a few days, but instead, Doctor scratches her head and says "I don't know what this is, let me call dermatology at Texas Children's Hospital."
Next, we load up and go the TCH to the dermatology department. After horrible traffic, confusing parking and endless paperwork, we go back to see the dermatologist. Two doctors and a nurse are in the room checking my daughter, and I am silently freaking out. After some consulting, they diagnose her with an extreme case of Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease, which sounds awful, but Piper's had a mild case of it before. Basically, HFMD is sores on the hands, feet and mouth (big surprise), but my over-achiever of a daughter has it all over her body. It is a viral, so there isn't much I can do, but treat the symptoms, and they send us on our way.
The love I have for my daughter is something words cannot do justice. I understand now why my mother was so protective of me, and still is. Everytime I was sick as a child, my mom would say "If I could be sick for you, I would." I find myself saying the same thing to my precious Piper. I would go to the ends of the earth for her happiness, health and safety.
Then, yesterday, my sister-in-law, Paige, wrote a heart-breaking post about a real family fighting childhood cancer, Layla Grace. And I cried, again.
After I picked up Piper from day care yesterday, she started developing a rash. Quickly. It spread very rapidly and I could tell she was in pain. I was up with her until 3 a.m. while she tossed and turned. She whined and scratched and would just look at me with those eyes that say "why can't you do something?" But while I was awake with her, I couldn't help but think about and pray for all of those mothers who up with their children with cancer, who are million times sicker than my child.
I, of course, became paranoid. I Googled all sorts of rashes, and read all of the worst-case scenarios. I became so worried that I even called Piper's pediatrician's 24-hour hot line to make sure I didn't need to take her to the emergency room. The nurse said to give her some Benadryl and call in the morning and make an appointment.
So, I called her pediatrician's office first thing in the morning and made an appointment. I went to the appointment expecting to hear that it was a normal rash that will go away in a few days, but instead, Doctor scratches her head and says "I don't know what this is, let me call dermatology at Texas Children's Hospital."
Next, we load up and go the TCH to the dermatology department. After horrible traffic, confusing parking and endless paperwork, we go back to see the dermatologist. Two doctors and a nurse are in the room checking my daughter, and I am silently freaking out. After some consulting, they diagnose her with an extreme case of Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease, which sounds awful, but Piper's had a mild case of it before. Basically, HFMD is sores on the hands, feet and mouth (big surprise), but my over-achiever of a daughter has it all over her body. It is a viral, so there isn't much I can do, but treat the symptoms, and they send us on our way.
The love I have for my daughter is something words cannot do justice. I understand now why my mother was so protective of me, and still is. Everytime I was sick as a child, my mom would say "If I could be sick for you, I would." I find myself saying the same thing to my precious Piper. I would go to the ends of the earth for her happiness, health and safety.
There is no doubt that I am going through a tough time, and having a string of bad luck. I think I have cried everyday for the past month. But, I have a (mostly) healthy child, I can pay my bills, I have food to eat and a place to sleep. I still have strength. The Good Lord does not give us more than we can handle, and He equips us with the tools we need. I have learned that sometimes we are tested - stretched to the point of breaking. And we come out on the other side, wiser, tougher and more faithful. I know I will look back on this time in my life and be thankful. Thankful for the lessons learned, unanswered prayers and the faith I gained.
Wow. I hope Piper is alright! She is lucky to have a mom like you :)
ReplyDeleteThe last paragraph is so profound. You sound so wise. I'll keep your family in my prayers.