Reflections

With the recent untimely passing of our dear friend, Jon, my thoughts and emotions have been racing. First, Jon was my husband's best friend - I never really spoke to him apart from when I was with Dusty, though I have known him for more than eight years and I considered him a brother-in-law. He joined the Army right out of high school and has been away from us since 2002 with only occasional (and sometimes unannounced) visits, so the reality of his death hasn't really hit me. I keep ignoring it all and hiding my grief behind other things.

Second, I had a really hard decision to make last Friday, and that was to not go with Dusty to Tennessee for Jon's memorial service. (I made my decision as a mother - I thought the extremely long car ride with my still-getting-over-her-cold 18-month old would be tough.) Talking to Dusty after he had to go through probably the toughest thing in his life, broke my heart. It tore me up knowing I wasn't there for him in his time of need. I was sitting at home all weekend and I couldn't get Dusty off my mind. What he was feeling, his tears, his pain - and I was helpless.

Also, I am in need of some friends. Since becoming a wife and mother, friendships are something I have neglected. I have great sisters-in-law that serve as even better friends and my co-workers are like family, but aside from them, I don't really acquaint myself with many people outside of work and church. Dusty has a great bunch of guys that he can count on for anything, and I am jealous. I want a monthly "Ladies Night" where I can hang out with girls and do girly things like drink fruity mixed drinks and talk about what shoes go best with what outfit. I want a "Mommies Group" where I can be around other moms with the same worries and concerns as I. I want to remember and celebrate who I am.

Lastly, why does it take something so tragic for us to realize how much someone means to us? Or for us to recognize how precious life is? Why can't everyday be a chance for us to tell our family and friends how special they are? Why wait for a special occasion to put that cute outfit on my daughter? Jon lived everyday he was on this earth to its fulliest, and I am trying to be more like that. Because in the grand scheme of things, is it going to matter if Piper gets a stain on one of her shirts? Does it matter if that load of laundry gets put away right away? No, it matters more that she had a blast eating that cherry-flavored snocone and that I was able to watch her dance and sing along to the Spongebob Squarepants theme song.